In Regard to the State of My Gender

Today a very special person was born.  Someone who has touched the lives of people all across the world and is a shining beacon of hope and inspiration to us all.

I’m speaking, of course - of Jimmy Buffett.

Jimmy began his musical career in Nashville, Tennessee in the late 1960’s where he recorded and later released his first album, “Down to Earth”.  Later, he met country music sensation Jerry Jeff Walker and they both moved to Key West to perfect their musical craft.

Somewhere along this magical journey, Mr. Buffett began to craft his own special musical style, a sort of fusion of country, folk, pop and coastal tropical lyrical themes which would later be coined as, “gulf and western.”  A musical style that forged the basis for his next several great albums, “A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean”, “Living and Dying in 3/4 Time”, “A1A”, “Havana Daydreamin’” and of course, the unforgettable release of “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes” in 1977.

Jimmy Buffett’s foray into the world of modern music has been met with almost unprecedented acclaim, lifting him to lofty, almost celestial heights. In fact, it is scientifically proven that the mere sound of Mr. Buffett will cause crying babies to immediately calm.

 Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft said in a 1985 interview with People Magazine: “Buffett is - I mean, we all know he’s amazing.. Just amazing.  But he - and I want to make this clear to everyone, he is someone I would honestly give my life for.  I would die for him.  Any day of the week.”

Some facts about Jimmy Buffett:

- Completely Water Soluble

- Lived inside a solid concrete sphere for three months in 1978 without food, water or air to settle a bet with British film and TV actor Donald Pleasence.

- Reduced a fully grown buck white tailed deer to ashes with merely a harsh glare after suffering a “stovepipe” jam on his rifle during a hunting trip in Alberta.

- Designed and hand built the prototype model of the 1894 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.

- Capable of reproducing via spores.

- Emits a low magnetic field between sunset and dawn.  For this reason, he cannot wear a wristwatch.

- Removes or defaces the numbers seven, fourteen and thirty-eight if they enter his field of view.  When asked about the phenomenon, Buffett claimed simply, “They are unnecessary.”

- Incapable of sneezing.

- Loves you always, forever and unconditionally.

In this hectic season of gift giving and overwhelming commercialism, it’s important we remember the true reason we celebrate such an important day, all over the world.  Take a moment to reflect. Let go of your stresses and gather around with your loved ones tonight. Then, pull out an album or two and let the sweet sounds of such timeless classics as “Margaritaville” or perhaps, “Cheeseburger in Paradise” serenade you to a higher place.