In Regard to the State of My Gender

logiccontroldeck:

I have been looking around our communities lately. I’ve been taking a long, hard look around when I’m out at my favorite queer-friendly restaurant or bar. I’ve been looking around at the online communities.

I have to tell you that I’ve been noticing a pattern. It’s a pattern of whiteness. I’ve started a tally you see. I’ve counted how many people of color I see in places that are supposed to be friendly to trans or queer folk. It is not many. It’s a pattern I’ve ignored my entire life. When I lived in the suburbs I rationalized it away with white flight. I always had that thought in the back of my mind that it was the other white people, the racist ones, that were keeping me from connecting with PoC and forming relationships with them or even communities that involved them. Or maybe, I even thought a time or two, it’s the people of color that are avoiding ME because I’m white!

After a while I didn’t really think about it any more.

I realized I was trans and my world got cut out from under me. My family treats me different. Strangers treat me different. Getting a job seems impossible due to simple discrimination. I did the only safe thing I could, I stopped sharing my life with most cis/straight people. I have built my own family with my wife and other people I felt safe with. Queer people. Trans people. These are my new family because the cis people didn’t get it. They didn’t even seem to have the tools to grasp the concept. All I got from talking to them was pain and regret.

That’s when I started getting it. Not just in an abstract way, but in a really deep, gut way. We, the white queers, we are isolating queer people of color from our communities in the same way we are isolated from the cis-dominated communities.

Trans people of color avoid white trans people because we are not safe.

Take a moment and think about what that means. Think about how unsafe it is to be trans. Then think about how it would feel to not even feel safe amongst other trans people.

The next logical question is “How do we reach out and let PoC know our communities are safe?” right?

Wrong.

The next logical question is “how do we make our communities safe for people of color?”

The first step is hardest because it involves a lot of listening. We need to listen to people of color. I don’t mean go out and demand to be educated by the next non-white person you see. No. I mean we need to go the library and take out books by PoC, watch movies made by PoC. Follow tumblrs addressing racism that are written by people of color.

We need to learn the language of oppression as it pertains to PoC. We know the language of oppression as it pertains to trans or queer issues. We know exactly how deeply the cis-sexist and homophobic things cis/straight people say to us sear into our souls. We need to know what things we say hurt PoC and why.

Then we need to stop it. Stop it forever. We need to stop making excuses for screwing it up. As a trans person I always know when someone is misgendering me on purpose, out of ignorance, or as legitimate slip. I’m sure PoC know how we intend our words when we are racist, so don’t try to explain why. Just apologize and stop doing it.

After doing all that we will be ready to reach out to trans and queer PoC. Finally we’ll be able to reach out a hand that isn’t cupping ignorance. We will be able to reach out a hand that is the handshake of an equal, not a patronizing hand to “bring people of color up to our level”.

Preach.